Intermittent fasting hit me like a rogue Uber surge at 3 AM—totally avoidable, yet here I am, 37 days in, typing this in a stained hoodie in my overpriced one-bed in Bushwick. The radiator’s clanking like it’s personally offended, there’s a cold oat-milk latte sweating on the windowsill, and my stomach just growled loud enough to scare the neighbor’s cat. Look, I didn’t plan on becoming that guy who schedules his life around when he’s allowed to chew, but the jeans I bought pre-pandemic finally buttoned without me lying flat on the bed, so… science? Maybe?
Why Intermittent Fasting Had Me Googling “Is Rage a Carb?”
I started because my coworker Jess kept flexing her 16:8 schedule like it was CrossFit. “Just eat in an 8-hour window, bro,” she said, sipping bone broth at 10 AM. Cool, Jess. Meanwhile I’m over here inhaling leftover pizza at 1 AM because The Great British Bake Off told me to live my truth. My first attempt? 12:12—baby steps. Skipped breakfast, felt like a warrior for exactly 11 minutes, then face-planted into a bodega bacon-egg-and-cheese at 11:03. The cashier judged me. I felt it.
The Science (That I Half-Remember from PubMed at 2 AM)
Okay, real talk—intermittent fasting isn’t magic, but the studies are kinda spicy. This 2022 NEJM review says alternating feeding and fasting flips your body into fat-burning mode via lower insulin. Another Cell Metabolism paper showed mice on TRF (time-restricted feeding) had better metabolic flexibility. Mice, tho. I’m not a mouse, but my love handles were giving Mickey vibes.
My Intermittent Fasting Face-Plants: A Highlight Reel
- Day 3: Thought “black coffee doesn’t break a fast.” Chugged a 24-oz cold brew. Heart rate hit dubstep levels. Texted my mom: “Tell my succulents I love them.”
- Day 9: Accidentally licked pizza grease off my thumb at 11:58 AM. Debated if saliva counts. Cried. Reset the clock.
- Day 21: Dreamed I was eating a cronuts volcano. Woke up chewing my pillow. 10/10 do not recommend.
Intermittent Fasting Hacks I Swear By (From a Guy Who Once Ate Frosting with a Spoon)
- Salt your water—electrolytes are life. I keep a lil’ pink Himalayan shooter by the bed. Tastes like the ocean’s tears, but no headaches.
- Brush teeth at noon—minty freshness tricks the brain. Placebo? Maybe. But my dentist is proud.
- Schedule hard stuff for the fasted window—wrote my best pitch deck at hour 15. Hunger = focus, apparently.
The Science Dump: Why Intermittent Fasting Might Actually Work (Or Not)
Autophagy—cellular recycling—ramps up after ~12-16 hours without food . Cool, my cells are Marie Kondo-ing. Also, IGF-1 drops, which might slow aging, but the human trials are still skinny. I lost 14 lbs, but I also stopped stress-eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos during Zoom calls, so… correlation, causation, whatever.
Intermittent Fasting and the Social Apocalypse
Tried explaining my 20:4 to my dad over Zoom. He said, “In my day we called that broke.” Thanksgiving? I brought a sad Tupperware of turkey and hid in the bathroom to eat at 7 PM. Aunt Linda thought I was doing drugs. Close enough.
The Mental Game (Spoiler: I’m Still Losing)
Some days I’m a Zen monk. Other days I’m googling “can you snort protein powder.” The mood swings are real—fasted me writes poetry, hangry me considers arson. But the clarity? Like someone wiped the fog off my brain with a Swiffer.
Wrapping This Chaos Burrito
Intermittent fasting isn’t a cult (mostly). It’s a tool—sharp, annoying, occasionally life-changing. I’m still the dude who’ll trade a kidney for diner fries at 2 AM, but now I choose when. Try it, screw it up, laugh, adjust. Your body, your rules.
Yo, if you’re fasting-curious, download Zero or just use your phone timer like a caveman. Hit me in the comments with your dumbest hunger crime—I’ll roast you with love.
Outbound Links:
NEJM 2022 review on intermittent fasting mechanisms:
Cell Metabolism mouse study on time-restricted feeding:
