Weight loss supplements that actually work are basically unicorns, and I’ve been chasing them since I landed back in Richmond with an extra 45 pounds and a breakup playlist on repeat. I’m hunched over my laptop right now, November wind rattling the blinds, surrounded by like 17 empty bottles—some sticky, one still has a price tag from walgreens. My dog just sneezed on a “keto blast” packet. Anyway, buckle up, this is gonna be a ride.
Why I Fell Face-First Into Weight Loss Supplements That Actually Work (Spoiler: I Was Desperate)
So yeah, 2023 was rough. Newly single, living off 7-Eleven hot dogs and spite. My favorite leggings split at a cookout—audible rip, dead silence, someone handed me a paper plate like a condolence. Next day I’m in Vitamin Shoppe, eyes glazed, buying anything with “shred” or “torch” on the label. Took this one pre-workout that made me see sounds. Like, legit synesthesia. Dropped exactly 1.2 pounds of water weight and gained a twitch. Classic.
Stuff That Didn’t Suck (Barely)
After, idk, 47 tries? Two things didn’t make me want to yeet myself into traffic:
- Green tea extract, the 500 mg EGCG kind. Not the Lipton garbage. I get the capsules from a site my cousin (pharmacy nerd) swears by. Pop one with coffee, suddenly I’m not face-down in a sleeve of Oreos by 3 p.m. Lost 11 pounds over summer, but tbh I was also power-walking my dog past the Krispy Kreme just to prove a point.
- Psyllium husk. Yeah, the fiber your grandma uses. Mix it with orange juice (don’t judge) and chug before dinner. Poof—pizza coma avoided.
Trash I Regret (Don’t @ Me)
- Anything “gummy.” Tasted like melted Skittles, worked like placebo.
- “Hydroxycut Hardcore Elite.” Name sounds like a WWE wrestler, results were… a nap.
- ACV pills. Gave me heartburn so bad I thought I was having The Big One.
How I Quit the Circus (Mostly)
Tracked every penny in my phone. Total: $742. Ouch. Deleted Amazon, started meal prepping chicken that tastes like regret but fits in Tupperware. Still use the green tea on “I ate gas station sushi” days, but 90% of my waistline now is sleep, steps, and not stress-eating over Twitter.
Red Flags for Weight Loss Supplements That Actually Work (Or Don’t)
- “Proprietary blend” = code for “we hid the caffeine.”
- Influencer code “SARAH10” for 10% off? Run.
- Claims “clinically proven” but the study is on 12 rats? Pass.
- Check real research not IG reels.
Anyway, I’m Outta Steam
Weight loss supplements that actually work are rare AF, and even then they’re just… helpers. If you’re in the US like me, fighting Sheetz temptations and family size chip bags, start with water, walks, and not hating yourself. Save the cash for tacos or therapy.
Spill yours: Worst supplement you ever bought? I’ll commiserate in the comments. Maybe share my psyllium pancake recipe (they’re mid, but honest).
Outbound Link:
Check Examine.com’s supplement database not IG reels.
This Mayo Clinic guide on sustainable weight loss saved my sanity
