How to create a caloric deficit is basically just eating less than you burn but man, when I was 247 pounds and living off gas station burritos it felt like trying to solve quantum physics with a hangover. I’m writing this from my kitchen in Toledo right now, there’s a half-drunk Monster Energy on the counter that’s been there since yesterday and my cat is judging me hard. Down 38 pounds though, so screw you Mr. Whiskers. The secret is stupid simple but I fought it like my life depended on keeping the weight.
Why Figuring Out How to Create a Caloric Deficit Felt Like My Body Was Gaslighting Me
I was a human garbage disposal for anything that came in a crinkly wrapper. Like I’d be crushing a family size bag of cool ranch doritos while watching netflix and then act shocked when my jeans wouldn’t button. The math of how to create a caloric deficit is honestly kind of mean in its simplicity—your body doesn’t give a single shit about your “emotional eating” or that time your boss was a jerk so you “needed” the entire pizza.
The moment it actually clicked? This gross 24-hour diner off I-75 where I ordered my usual triple bacon cheeseburger with extra mayo (don’t judge me) and my phone buzzed with MyFitnessPal telling me I’d already hit 2800 calories by dinner. Stared at that burger like it grew a face and started talking shit. Took one bite, did the math, realized I’d have to walk to Michigan to burn it off and just… left it there. Waitress probably thought I was having some kind of episode. Maybe I was.
The Absolutely Brain-Dead Ways I Tried to Create a Caloric Deficit First (And Failed Spectacularly)
- The “I’ll just skip breakfast” genius plan — Thought this would magically create a caloric deficit. Ended up eating my weight in taco bell by 3pm. Had nacho cheese in my beard for two days.
- The CrossFit cult phase — Chad from work lost 50lbs so obviously I needed to flip tires and do burpees till I died. First class I puked behind the big ass tire and almost passed out on a kettlebell. Learned exercise is like 20% of the caloric deficit equation if you’re lucky.
- The keto nightmare — Butter in my coffee tasted like warm depression. Lost 12lbs of water weight then gained 17 back when I discovered keto cheesecake is a thing that exists. Who approved this.
Actually How to Create a Caloric Deficit Without Wanting to Yeet Yourself Into Traffic
Real talk the actual how to create a caloric deficit trick? Make your house work for you instead of against you. I threw out like $90 worth of junk food and literally cried over a tub of cookie dough that was calling my name from the trash. 10/10 would do again.
Track everything like a psycho. My system is janky but it works:
- Log shit in LoseIt BEFORE I eat it (this pre-commitment thing is clutch)
- Shoot for 500-700 calorie deficit a day (1-1.5lbs a week, actually doable)
- Protein or I turn into a raging asshole by 6pm
- 10k steps minimum or my watch calls me a lazy pos
The walking is where I actually started to not hate life. These Ohio sidewalks in February are straight from hell but there’s something about freezing your ass off at 5:30am with podcasts that makes the caloric deficit feel less like punishment. Found this NIH study that says diet plus exercise creates better long-term adherence. Science or whatever.
The Mental Warfare of Creating a Caloric Deficit When Your Brain Hates You
Some nights I still have dreams about the hot dogs spinning under heat lamps at speedway like they’re fine art. The psychological side of how to create a caloric deficit is legit brutal—your brain will bargain like “just one bite won’t kill the deficit” and next thing you know you’re elbow deep in a party size bag of funyuns.
I keep this dumb jar where I put $5 every week I hit my deficit. Got $185 in there now. Gonna blow it on something ridiculous like light-up sketchers or maybe just rent money who knows. Point is it works even though it’s stupid.
My Greatest Hits of Creating a Caloric Deficit Gone Wrong
- Tried IF and blacked out in the target frozen aisle reaching for pizza rolls
- Did some liquid diet thing where everything tasted like chalk and broken dreams
- Calculated my BMR wrong and was eating 1200 calories thinking I had a 500 calorie deficit (was actually just starving myself like an idiot)
Here’s what nobody says: sometimes you straight up won’t create a caloric deficit. You’ll have a weekend in Chicago where the deep dish wins and that’s… fine? The weekly average is what actually matters not being perfect every second.
Look creating a caloric deficit isn’t some sexy 30 day challenge or whatever bullshit is trending on tiktok. It’s just me at 42 finally accepting that the math works if you stop being a dramatic baby about it. Start with one day of tracking. Then two. Forgive yourself when you eat an entire sleeve of oreos at 2am because your ex texted.
If you’re reading this while stress-eating something you already regret just put it down for a second. Download an app. Walk around your block once. The caloric deficit starts with one choice not some grand perfect plan.
What’s your biggest struggle with creating a caloric deficit? Tell me in the comments I literally read all of them while eating my sad little protein oatmeal.
Outbound Link: This Mayo Clinic piece on weight loss plateaus saved
